1 Year, 1 Month – “HARDER”

By February 19, 2018March 19th, 2018Adventure
This first month into my second year in Australia and at Hillsong College was harder than expected, and I wanted to give some creative expression to how it has felt.  So, here is my heart in the form of a letter to my beloved home and native land…
Dear Canada,
    Oh how I love you!  I had the chance to visit you for an entire month!  Landing in your snowy Ottawa airport, gulping down sugary timbits, and most of all embracing the people you contain that hold so much of my affection was such a refreshing Christmas season!  I didn’t realize until I arrived that I had actually missed the white stuff (although I am very happy to be back around Palm Trees and summer weather)!
    But Canada, it was also a little weird being with you again.  I mean, the people were fantastic, the places were full of memory and fondness, but the whole “home” aspect of you has significantly shifted.
    When I left you a year ago it wasn’t easy, but the harder moments were covered by an extreme excitement and a readiness in my spirit to fly across the globe and into all that God had!  And this past year has indeed been the best one of my life so far!  Now I would have thought that departing your shores a second time for Sydney would have been easier.  After all, I’m more experienced at goodbyes and I know a little more of what to expect, so this should be smooth sailing, right?
    Wrong.  This time around was HARDER.
    In the weeks leading up to my departure, my heart ached and eyes frequently leaked.  But it wasn’t just about having to hug my family and friends, knowing it’ll be a large chunk of time before I see them again.  No, it was a deep kind of grieving within me, and at first I couldn’t figure it out.  But through the Holy Spirit’s gentle guiding, and wise and encouraging words from friends, I’ve come to realize a little more what God might be up to.  It’s brought me to a place of peace.  Sad peace, but peace nonetheless.
    You see, Canada, a year ago I had reasons to leave and no plan B.  I was to go to Australia for a year, and planned to return “home” to you to…  Well, do the same thing I did before I guess!  But when I follow that train of thought all the way through, I’m not even entirely sure that’s what I want anymore – or ever did!  Now, don’t get me wrong, there are loads of things about where I was and what I did before that were wonderful and still are appealing, but I feel like there is so much more to explore.  I don’t feel like the adventure is wrapping up, I feel like it’s just beginning.  And so although memories and fondness will ALWAYS remain for you, Canada, I’m facing the reality that you aren’t, and might never be my permanent, geographical “home” again.
    I really feel like God is leading me to a place of complete surrender and willingness before him.  He’s developing in me a ready spirit to be launched out wherever and whenever he wants.  But, that’s hard.  That requires a bit of sacrifice.  And again, tears flow and the heart burns, but I believe it is because God is preparing me for more.
    So in wrapping this letter up, Canada, I just need to tell you that I love you, but here’s just a head’s up that I don’t know what the long term future looks like.  Of course I’ll visit as much as I can, and I’ll always swing your flag proudly, but I need to be ready and willing to go where He calls, for it is His will and His purpose for which I am alive.
    Proud to be Canadian, love always,
    Your Little Maple Leaf
P.S. I thought it’d be appropriate to post one of last month’s video montages within this post (also because I only just finished editing it, aha).  It features some of my favourite little things like the way my niece says “cappuccino,” Everest’s chubby fingers, Ry & Kev’s mad musical skills and lots of the white fluffy stuff!

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