I didn’t realize resting could be such a difficult task.
The three month mark of living in Australia found me lying on a couch with no bodily energy to accomplish any sort of productivity. And although it was so small in comparison to so many other people’s physical sufferings, my pounding head, puffy eyes and stuffy nose felt like the bars behind which my ever-active, doing-driven mind was locked. Good weather, free time and the scent of adventure over-layed the weekend ahead, and here I was, succumbing to the hints the infections were giving me to stay indoors, lie down and rest. But through this, I learned a few things:
I do not like to HAVE to rest.
Vacation is a whole other story, but after multiple days of “resting” due to sickness, I was more annoyed than anything. So the question surfaced in my muddled brain: why am I frustrated? Why am I so productivity-driven? And through the gentle revealing of the Holy Spirit, I saw this reality:
I gain identity from productivity.
Man. This was a rough one to swallow (and not just because my throat was also sore!), and I’m still swallowing it. I feel good about myself when I’ve accomplished something. This isn’t all bad, but when the very core of who I am has been effected by this skill of doing, up pops a red flag, waving its cautionary threads.
I was brought back to a place of realizing that my identity and reputation is based on what God says and how God sees me. Even though I felt bad for having to cancel on multiple people during this session of sickness, and thus, worried that they would think I’m a flake, I was reminded that other people’s opinions don’t matter nearly as much as God’s does.
Rest is necessary.
You could start a road trip across the country and believe with all the mustard seed faith inside you that you can do it all on your own. But the results will always be an empty tank. Rest, refuel, refresh. All the “re’s” are so bluntly necessary for us to be effective and useful in whatever it is we’re doing.
So even though I don’t like it, and wish I just had endless gas in the car, stopping and re-fueling is a needed portion of the trip. To continue in this analogy, how many times have you been on a trip and stopped for gas or a leg cramp break, and realized you were right in the middle of a beautiful landscape? The season of rest can actually be beautiful, if you let it. Take a second or two to lay down on the couch and rest, even when you don’t want to. Make sure it’s part of your routine. It’s necessary.